Writer's Workshop: Unreal Housewife

The prompt I chose this week for Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop is:

10 reasons why [ I ] could not be a Real Housewife from any county

1. I do not get my hair and/or nails done more often than once a decade year.

2. I do not have a housekeeper, nor do I do any of the housework myself.

3. I frequently have food/dirt stains on my non-designer jeans.

4. The only "nips" and "tucks" I get are from breastfeeding and hemorrhoids wipes! (Tucks. Get it?)

5. My eyes are as saggy-baggy as my ass jeans.

6. I'm not, like, totally narcissistic.

7. If I had enough money to hire a nanny or housekeeper, I'd probably just go on a shopping spree at Target or Old Navy instead.

8. I shop at Target and Old Navy.


9. I don't have catfights with my "besties." And if I did, they wouldn't be little pansy screeching scratch-fests. 

10. I'm not batshit crazy.