Mary, Mary Quite Contrary

I was expecting an early version of the 'Terrible Twos' at around 18 months, as the books and magazine articles warned, so I was unprepared at 16 months when someone turned on her b!tch switch. Realistically, her 'terrible' mode is probably closer to most kids' 'normal' mode, but I wasn't used to it, so it was probably still as frustrating. Since I got used to it, we've been in a nice groove, with me using my 'Fast Food Rule' and 'Caveman talk' as advised by Dr. Karp in "Happiest Toddler On the Block." My sister may argue that its a waste of time, but it works on HER kid too, whenever I'm there. Based on developmental books and articles I've read, I was under the impression that the last 6 months out of each age-year are the worst parts. So I was looking forward to a nice 6 months, now that she's 2. But apparently she hasn't read these books. She's jumped right into her 2 1/2 'NO' phase.

"Are you hungry? Would you like some popcorn?"
"No.
...
...
I need some poptorn."

With her talking toys, she's super polite about it. She has a Leapfrog plush toy named My Pal Violet that we call Purple Puppy.
"My favorite animal is a zebra! Is that YOUR favorite too?"
"No, purple puppy. Dassnot my favrit"
"I like chicken nuggets! Do YOU?"
"No, purple puppy. I no nyk dem."
"Would you like to play a game?"
"No. Sorry purple puppy."
"Can you show me a happy face?"
"No sorry, I tan't."

All week long I've had a plethora of fun activities to choose between from my myriad moms groups. (More than I've listed, even. These are just the ones that most interested me.)

Monday Fun Plans: Kelsey Creek Farm or a park in Maple Valley 
ACTUAL Monday: Parks cancelled due to rain and my inability to get us both ready in time. I needed supplies for my cooking class the next day, so I decided we'd go shopping.
"Do you want to go to the store with me?"
"No. I no wantoo."
"Do you want to stay here with Unka See-see while I go to the store?"
"No. You no wantoo go to store."
"I need to go to the store. You can come with me or stay here."
"I come with you."

[At store] "Okay, do you want to ride in the cart or walk near me?"
"No. Holdjoo."
"I can't carry you and push the cart. You need to sit here in the cart or here in the basket or walk."
"You want to carry me please."
(Ugh. Fine.) [Carry to produce section.]
"I need to ride inna tart!"

Tuesday Fun Plans: My Toddler/Preschooler Cooking class.
ACTUAL Tuesday:
"Okay! Kids are coming over today! Let's get dressed to cook guacamole and play with the other kids!"
"I no WANNA took kakamoley! No kids! I dohn wanna play!"
"Okay. You don't have to cook or play. But I need to be in the kitchen with the kids to help them. You can play in your room or in the living room. Do you want to put any toys away that you don't want to share?"
"No."
"Do you want me to put your babies in my bedroom so the other kids can't play with them?"
"No. Mine."
"Right. They are YOUR babies. Do you want to share them with the other kids?"
"No kids. Share."
"... Okay. How nice that you want to share your babies. Let's get dressed."
[Diaper wrassling, outfit-choosing samba and Cocoa Puffs with Cheerios for breakfast. Kids arrive. Someone touches one of her babies.]
"Yeeeeee-AAAAAAAUGH! MINE! I NEED IT! THASSMYBAYBEEEDOHRAAAA!"
"Little D is playing with that right now. You can ask him for a turn, or you can wait until he is done to have a turn."
"NO! (weeping, whining, sniveling, sniffling) I need it my baby Dora... [2-3 minutes later]
Maybe I ask... Peash can I have it my baby Dora?" [Little D hands it over without a fuss.]
[Wash, rinse, repeat with each baby-doll-related item. You can read my previous post for more details on not wanting to 'took' the 'kakamoley' or 'kiss-ideass.']

As it was our 14th first date/5th wedding anniversary, we may have gone out to dinner somewhere, but I honestly can't recall. We did our big dinner-and-a-movie on Sunday.

Wednesday Fun Plans: Several park options, a secret shop, meet Daddy at work at 3:30 so he could take her while I got paid $75 to be in a focus group. Little Gym at 6. MOMS board meeting at 7.
ACTUAL Wednesday: Parks cancelled due to rain and lack of gumption on my part. Devastating phone call ate up the rest of my pre-nap time. Secret shop postponed to Thursday. Packed leftover butterfly and flower turkey and cheese plus berry medley as a snack and headed to Daddy's work for a nap-in-the-car ride.
"Let's go meet Daddy at work!"
"No."
"Do you want to go see Daddy?"
"No Daddy."
"...Do you want to stay here with Unka Sees.... nuts. He's off playing Dungeons and Dragons today. Time to get in the car! Do you want to walk or do you want me to carry you?"
"Carry me."
Dumped her off, went to focus group. It was interesting. Paid in cash! Ka-CHINGGG! Made it just in time for the last 10-15 minutes of her Little Gym's end-of-year 'Big Show.' MOMS board meeting for dinner (medium decaf white chocolate mocha. Forgot to order a pastry.)

Thursday Fun Plans: Bouncy Place or Pizza Playdate (we did pizza.) Then afternoon play with Unka See-see while I went out to do a secret shop. My cousin's High School graduation at 6:30.
ACTUAL Thursday: Read previous post
"Okay. I'm going to the sample store! Do you want to come with me?"
"No."
"Okay. You stay here with Unka See-see. Here's some water. Here's a snack. Here's the *Horse and Dinosaur flashlight movie! [Toy Story 2] See you soon! Have fun!"
[Do secret shop. Nosh on many samples. Buy olive oil. Return home. COMPLETELY forget cousin's graduation until about 15 minutes after it started. Doh!]

* Recently I was at Toys R Us and decided to find a kid-friendly flashlight, since she loves Daddy's Mag-light, but for her its basically a head trauma waiting to happen! We found a dollar store flashlight, which she loves, but if you shake it it turns off. Sometimes you have to unscrew it all and re-assemble it to get it to work again. And it has a glass faceplate, so not really kid-safe. The ones I found at first looked like smaller, more expensive, Disney-Princess-covered versions of the same, so I asked for help and they showed me some Toy Story 3 flashlights in the shapes of the Pig, Slinky dog, Dinosaur [Rex] and the Horse [Bullseye] characters. When you push the button under the tail, the mouth opens, light goes on, and fun character sound effects. Since I wasn't going to drag all 4 over to where she was zooming around on a scooter, I picked the dino and horse as the most likely to be favored. It took her about 15 minutes to decide on the Horsey one. About a week later, she started begging and crying for the dinosaur flashlight, only we didn't understand her words, or her context for ages. And I'm not shelling out for another one!

Friday Fun Plans: Father's Day craft or Park Play, but probably just slob around all day since Daddy will be out of town for the weekend. 
ACTUAL Friday: Forgot *I* had to take Daddy to airport. Got up early. Nyah. Skipped both mommy club options after and went to Rite Aid to pick up my prescriptions and a free mouse pad with her picture on it from the photo department. (One of the blogs I get emails from told me about a code to get it free, and free shipping if you pick up in-store!)
"Let's go to the prescription store!"
"No. I don wantoo."
"Well, I can't leave you in the car, and we didn't bring shoes, so I can carry you, or you can ride in the cart."
"No cart. Carry you." [She reverts back to saying 'you' when she means 'me' frequently when she's upset or tired.]
[At photo department to pick up mouse pad.]
Lady: "Here, let me open this so you can make sure it's right before you take it."
"No, it was free, so you don't have too... [too late. It's opened.]"
"IT'S ZJHEE! ITSA PITCHUR ZJHEE! That's for me. I need it for my dolls. Friend for Abby." (Abby Cadabby doll she brought inside with her.)
Cooing/singing: "Heeeeere Abby. Mat for yooooou. Take to bed witjooooo"
.... Okay. Daddy's out of town for Father's Day, so what do I care.

Saturday Fun Plans: Maple Valley Fire Department open house.

ACTUAL Saturday: 

"Okay! Time to get dressed! Do you want to go to the fire house today and see firemen?" [Brace for fight]

"YESH! I want fire house!"

"... 

...

...Okaaay. Let's change your diaper and get an outfit on to wear to see the fire trucks!"

"No diaper! Wear THIS OUTFIT! Gee-go Mah-nuhs!" (Giggle Monsters - a Carter's PJ set.)

[Oh phew. It's still my kid. Compromised with pajama top and regular pants. Relatively little fight over getting in the car, other than wanting to play with sidewalk chalk first.]

It was a pretty cool event. They gave her a goodie bag with a coloring book and crayons, and an activity checklist you could turn in for a prize after completed.

"Do you want to meet a fireman?"

"No."

"... Can you give him a high five?"

"No. I tan't."

"... Can you wave hello?"

"No. I TAN'T"

Fireman: "Here, let me initial your sheet..."

[Roaring] "NO! WAAAAH! IT'S MINE!"

Fireman: "Would you like a sticker?"

"N-..." [Nods head.]

"Oooh do you want to go sit in the fire truck?"

"No." 

"Okay. You can stay in the stroller and we can look around. Ooh they're going to cut open a car. Let's watch them. Do you want a donut?" 

"No donut."

[Describing of tools, situation, explaining actions, all interesting to her until they finally get the doors off.]

"Are you hungry? Would you like a hot dog? A hamburger?"

"Hot. Dock."

[She ate two, and rejected offer of a cookie. We went into a little fire alarm house all scaled to little kids where they showed fire hazards and talked about good and bad fires, then had smoke, and alarm and a hot door so we had to climb down the ladder.]

"Okay! We need to climb down the ladder. That fireman withe the mustache is going to help you and I'll climb down too."

[She's good until she's low enough I won't be able to help her anymore and the fireman starts to grab her.]

"NO! MOMMY! WAAAAH! NO CLIMB!"

[We go back inside and down the stairs and out the side door. Meet police, get card stamped, stand in line FOREVER to get use the fire hose. Stave off whining and nagging pleas for an ICEE (sno-cone.) Start fireman obstacle course. Get kicked off so Medevac Helicopter can land (a fun treat for the event, not an emergency.) Get sand-blasted in the face when it flies past us to land. Finally give in to ICEE requests. Get it in time to still watch helicopter land from within the firetruck garage through the windows on the closed doors. Make one last attempt to finish off our activity card.] 

"Do you want to sit in the fire truck?"

(Nom nom nom slurp.) "No."

"Are you sure? See? That girl is driving it! How fun!"

"No wantoo."

"Fine. Hi! Can we get our thing stamped? She's done." [Nice fireman stamps remaining 2 activities. We go to prize booth.]
"Do you want to turn this in for a prize?"

(Slurp. Nom nom.) "No. Mine."

"Tough. Do you want to spin the wheel? Like this?" [Spin wheel to show her.]

Lady at booth: "Yellow! You get a bracelet!"

(In my head: "Are you shitting me serious? You're not gonna let her do it? Whatever. Don't care. Outta here.")

"Ooo! A bracelet! You are so lucky!"

"Open it!"

"Do you want to wear it?"

(Nom nom slurp) "No."

"Hey. Are you cold? ["No." Shivering] I'm going to put this blanket on you. ["NO!" Blue lips] I won't cover your hands. You can still eat your ICEE."

[Back at car] "Your hands are freezing. Can I rub them or warm them up for you?"

"No."

"Are you done with your ICEE? You want to throw it out?"

"NO! Waaah!"

"Okay, okay! I'm not taking it, I'm just asking. Can I put it in a cup for you? Here. Let me dump out your water and put it in your Dora cup. Now you can drink it." 

"Waaah! Need STRAW!"

"But you won't be able to suck the ice through... fine. Are you hungry? Would you like to get some fries to warm you up?"

"No. No fries."

[Head home.]

"WAAAAAAH! IT'S NOT WORKING! MY ICEE ALL DAWN! OH NO! WAAAAH!"

"You want me to put some of my soda in it?"

"NO! WAAAH!"

"I can put in a little soda to help melt the ice so you can drink it."

"SODA! SODA! WAAAH! [Slurp slurp slorp] WAAAH! ALL DAWN AGAIN!"

(In my head: "It's okay. Breathe. She's tired. It's naptime. We're almost home.")

"Look! Llamas! Do you see them?"

"Dere dey are! HI LLAMAS! HI-YEE! BYE-EE LLAMAS!"

[Repeat with cow, only she insists its an elephant, since she can only see its butt. "BYE-EE EH-NEH-FAN!"]

OhPraiseBabyJesusSheFellAsleep.

The only other 'Yes' today was when I asked if she wanted to watch Unka See-see cook dinner. She LOVES to watch him cook, and he's good about letting her 'help.'

I just hooked up my blog so I can link to Amazon, so you can see some of the stuff I talk about. If you like it, and happen to buy it through my link, I get a teeny tiny commission, which is a nice bonus for me, but don't let that be a factor! Once I figure out how to add pictures and links that aren't big long addresses, I'll be able to use visuals to help you see what I'm talking about! So far, this was the best I could do.
[6/29/10 - I've learned how to add pictures, so I've gone back through and added some!]